No one is ever ready to hear the words, "You have cancer" or "I have cancer." I heard the first sequence last week, and couldn't tell you how many times I have recited the second since. My doctor certainly wasn't that blunt. January 29th my wonderful OB/GYN snuck me into her schedule for a pap after some bleeding between cycles the past few months, and during my second visit (Feb 5th) the words, "I am fairly certain it's cancerous" floated around in the empty space in my head as she referred to the mass on my cervix. My parents were at my home with the kids, husband away from home for a week at work all anxiously waiting my news as hopeful as they could be. I was stoic and processing, as I still am, and only felt sadness when I thought of how my news would affect those I loved most. That hasn't changed. I video called Nate and saw his world crumble, nothing could prepare me for that heartbreak. He had tried to get someone to take over his "shift" at the alert facility, but already short manned there were a few sicknesses through the squadron and that wasn't a possibility. Once his immediate leadership learned of the outcome he was sent home the next day and I couldn't tell you how much I needed that man. I am incredibly grateful for good hearts throughout my healthcare team, Nate's squadron, and Tricare and their willingness to make our lives a little bit easier in this insane season we've got rolling right now. My parents took off the following day, my mother to only turn around four days later and make another trip north to be with the boys again for some full body scans I had scheduled Feb 12th.
Little did any of us know, things were really rolling quickly. I was able to be snuck in for a pelvic MRI Feb 10th, and the next day my case manager on base confirmed our plan of action. My treatment is taking place at the University of Nebraska Omaha at the Buffet Cancer Care Center. Fred and Pamela, not Jimmy. Appointments were scheduled with a Gyn Onc and Radiation Onc for Tuesday, Feb 16th. Insert the "Oh shit!" here. Last Friday, Nate went with me to take my PET scans and meet with a radiologist in Minot. He was incredibly informative and answered my questions far exceeding my expectations. He went through slides of both my MRI and PET and described what in the world we were looking at. The MRI showed the tumor, the placement, and the possibility of growing outward onto the walls of my vagina. The PET scan showed that cancer has spread to nearby lymph nodes. Since the scans were taken about half an hour before our appointment they hadn't been officially "read" yet. He was able to give me an idea of where to stage the cancer, but not an exact stage. When I asked him if he could, he explained the difference in staging in the US and staging for the rest of the world and actually photocopied an entire chapter on staging cervical cancer out of his textbook for me. That was a quick read on the road today and I appreciated that gesture so much! Long story short, without a physical exam (being done tomorrow) he presumed, in laymen's terms, it is around stage two.
My cancer was brought on by HPV, human papillomavirus, type 16. In some cases HPV can go years in a dormant state showing no symptoms. Nearly all people (90%) will contract HPV at some point in their lives. Sometimes the virus just clears itself from the infected person, depending on the type contracted. HPV 16 and 18 are both high risk for cervical cancer and are the cause for 70% of all cases. I have so much to say about HPV and cancer, but expect those to be spilled at you in the future. In the meantime, hug everyone you love. AND KEEP UP TO DATE ON YOUR PAPS! I wasn't overdue (by much... mom life) and I can't imagine the diagnosis if I waited any longer to go in. Trust me, the guilt of waiting as long as I did is detrimental enough. I have faith that I will come out of this stronger, even more stubborn if possible, and so humbled. My team has already been so amazing and I am excited to see where things go.
Like I said, tomorrow I will have initial appointments here in Omaha and should be able to pinpoint a plan of action. At this point, it sounds like 5 days of low beam external radiation a week for 5 weeks and one shot of chemo a week to intensify the radiation. Brachytherapy, a form of high frequency internal radiation, will be discussed. Please send most of your prayers to my mom while she tries to tame my two wild babies for the duration. Many visits will be scheduled, because leaving them this morning has been and will continue be the most difficult part of this entire ordeal. Many prayers are appreciated for the love of my life, because Lord knows that angel of a man has it in for himself the next few weeks. There is so, so much more that I would like to share. I will have plenty of time to do so. Thank you for reading and thinking of me. Ya girl is going to be fine, but know I appreciate every single thought and prayer. I feel all of them in the pit of my soul and they make every minute away from my homies a little more bearable.
Take care of yourselves. Hug your people. Go get the Gardasil Series 9 vaccine.
Love you all,
XOJO
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