A whole month of crazy has passed since my last update, and though so much has happened it feels like it was about three days ago. We made a treatment trip for infusion on February 8th and just got home from another. I had scans yesterday before my infusion and I will get to that in a moment. Let’s start with the outer banks of the cancerverse, our lives outside talk of tumors and port pokes.
After a wonderful month of January going very hard in my social media presence all month, February was a little slower pace. I took a step back from trying to inform every single person I have ever met in my life about the importance of having pre-cancer screenings done as recommended and enjoyed much time out fishing and playing in the snow once temperatures weren’t freezing. My mind needed to step back from the pressure I put on myself, that I absolutely do not regret doing. I made wonderful connections, friendships, and progress while learning so much about myself and the world of social media advocacy. I needed a bit of balance nonetheless. I don’t feel like I absolutely need to fill my schedule making content, but posting about the cancerverse as well as my passion for the outdoors has given me the motivation to partake in the things that truly make me happy; spreading love and being outside.
I was able to do a lot of fishing! Solo trips to quiet my mind, a few with Nate, a couple as a family, and one with friends to fill my heart. I have really come to enjoy North Dakota winters! When there are sub-zero temperatures for months straight, I honestly don’t worry about ice thickness or driving my pickup across a lake to our ice house in the slightest. Allen is starting to get over his fear of bucketed walleye and Tommy’s love for them only grows. Watching these boys grow up seeing their dad and I prioritize what makes us happy is incredible and I can only hope it inspires them to do well enough for themselves to do the same. I look forward to many years of year-round fishing with my built-in buddies! At least until they are too cool to go out with their parents.
I also had my first actual therapy session. I refuse to count the counselling I did on base with a nice, but on his way out, Behavior Health Specialist. He tried, but the closeness of retirement was obvious and I felt no connection. I have been on a waiting list for a counsellor in Minot since June when I bought a plant from her. I met her at her office and fell in love with the atmosphere. The namesake of the practice being the only provider accepting our insurance, I decided I could wait. After so much time on the list, I could no longer. My anxiety was unravelling and coming out as anger to too many people who do not deserve such attitude. I had been short with my kids, bitchy to my husband, and reclused from all social circles. So out of pocket for another provider in her office it was, and I am so incredibly happy I am doing so. Our first encounter was on 02/22/2022 at 2pm. You can’t change my mind that it was fate. I feel like I will benefit tremendously and she and I clicked very well. I look forward to laying it all out there and making progress with a professional. I have been doing deep shadow work for the past year of living with cancer and I finally feel that I can no longer help myself. I hope this new relationship will give me the direction I seek in creating a better life for myself and those depending on me.
Scans! I had a CT before meeting with my oncologist yesterday, and they were pretty uneventful. I feel strongly that in the world of cancer, that’s a good thing! There are news’ that are not good, good, and great. Great would have been shrinkage, but we aren’t there yet and I didn’t expect we would be. Immunotherapy is a very long, drawn out process, so my only hopes were that nothing spread. I have been having terrible pains in my hip on the right side. The side where I have an active tumor in the lymph system. After a cancer diagnosis, everything become a fear of spread. I have had headaches for a year straight, cancer? My stomach is a wreck when I eat the wrong thing, cancer? My hip feels like it has a rusty steak stabbed into the joint, cancer?! I voiced my concerns and fears of cancer spreading into the bones around the tumor in my pelvis at my last appointment in February, and since I had scans scheduled for the following treatment my team didn’t feel the need to get one lined up for that day. They noted it could be damage from radiation or arthritis from my infusions. My initial thought, “Cool. Menopause at 29 and arthritis at 30. Pass the geritol and denture glue, Mavis, I’m coming in hot.” Speaking of that, my gums have been reciting since having chemo and that’s great too. The pain is unlike anything I’ve had so far in the cancerverse, and I feel so badly for all the elders I’ve thought may have been exaggerating the misery. It is terrible.
But we got good news. No spreading of any cancer! I had to double check they could discern bone cancers in a CT before I let the conversation continue. The two tumoresque lymph nodes that had done a ton of shrinking while on chemo had little change in them. The one in my hip has grown about 2mm, but my oncologist acted as if that were nothing. Like I said, immunotherapy can be administered over a long period of time, for years even, and is not expected to take out tumors as quickly as chemo does. I may express interest in going back on chemo at future appointments. For the time being, our trips will be extended to every six weeks. Since I am tolerating the treatment well, my doctor has signed off on allowing me a double dose at a time receiving 400mg of Keytruda every six weeks instead of 200mg every three.
After my check up and evading a fourth pelvic exam this year, I got my thirty minutes of Keytruda and we hit the road to pick up the kids from my parents. It is supposed to snow the rest of the week, so we rushed up to South Dakota where it was 60 degrees and home from there today. I think it was 10 degrees or so when we pulled in- contain your jealousy! My sister-in-law turned me onto a new series of books that I am incredibly obsessed with. Like 600 pages in two days, hitting bookstores right before closing in search of the next, not saying a word to Nate for hours type of obsessed. For the escapism this new realm offers me- I thank you, Hannah. I received an incredible email today and I am very excited to see what new opportunities may arise from it!
All in all, it has been a great month! Thank you for being on that ride with me!
Until Next Time,
XOJO
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