It feels like I haven't sat down to write anything in so long. In reality and my former real life, four days would have flown! This weird cancerverse we're living in drags on. The weekend did go by fairly quick, though! On Saturday I gave into Nate's fourth day consecutively suggesting to visit the zoo. The sun was to be shining and I have no treatments on the weekend so I caved. I knew the sunshine, air, and animals would do me good. I hadn't been ready in the previous days to see all the little boys running from their parents just yet earlier in the week. Nate is so incredibly supportive, and knows just how to suggest something to me without pushing me. He is also living in the weirdness of the cancerverse, and is navigating it impressively! He needed out of the room as much, if not more than I did. Knowing I wouldn't regret a day spent with him not thinking about cancer (as much as I usually do) was all I needed to finally say yes. The Henry Doorly Zoo near downtown Omaha is fantastic! It blew my expectations out of the water. Many animals were indoors or away for the cold season, but we still spent about four hours checking everything out. I'm sure at every single stop we made I said, "Oh Al is going to LOVE this!" Seriously, he is going to lose his mind! They have many of North America's largest indoor exhibits, like the desert, aquarium, and rainforest. The kids are absolutely going to lose their minds, and I am so stinking excited to see it!
Sunday we visited Super Target, for like the fourth time, for some small things. Not being at home, but making an interim home shows you just how much it takes to keep you entertained and fed! When we finished it was like 9:30 am, and I decided I didn't want to be at the hotel so I took a wrong turn. We went west and were outside the city in under five minutes. It felt so good to see farm ground, trees, big skies, and small towns. So close to our hotel too! It is comforting in a prairie bumpkin kind of way. We drove around all morning, grabbed some lunch and came back "home."
Yesterday I had labs done to see where me levels were before chemo today and to make sure no changes needed to be made. I realize these gals get paid to draw blood and do it everyday, but I am astounded by their accuracy and speed! Maybe I've just been subjugated to some questionable phlebotomists in my day? So far, blood looks good! White blood cells aren't low, but are on the lower side of normal. This is to be expected, because the purpose of the drug is to go after quickly multiplying cells such as the cancer, but white and red blood cells as well as platelets also divide quickly. Other cells that are also quick to regenerate are tissues in your mouth, so good oral hygiene is a high priority of chemo warriors. I bite the shit out of my tongue and cheeks all the time, so I've had to slow myself down from a shovel to a more conscientious speed.
We woke up today, worked out, loungingly made breakfast, and I settled in to teach myself to knit. I wrote down all of my appointments on my blackboard last week, so I kind of dismiss my upcoming appointment notifications as they come in. Bad idea, Nate glanced over at the board at 8:12 am and noted we were already 12 minutes late. Whoops! I threw on shoes, he packed snacks and the cribbage board, and we were out the door! I called them to let the staff know I would be there shortly, and my nurse didn't even know I was late. I had little tardy guilt after that! I'm guessing many of their patients are on a similar schedule of around 5 hours hooked up, so there was no one scheduled after me. That also made it a little easier for me to dismiss any would-be guilt. Of all days to have complications during vitals and get put behind schedule, today was the day! It was easy to laugh off for me, I am on a mission to hold an airy presence at that office, the nurses deserve smiles at the very least. Even if they can't see the actual smile behind my mask. We ran into a little controversy about my state of living while taking my blood pressure. The machine didn't register I had any blood a-flowin' for about five tries. I was honestly wondering if I had any blood at that point! It looked like my nurse, Denise, had to go grab a manual cuff off a wall somewhere to take it the old fashioned way. I have always had quite low pressure, which is almost surprising given that small temper I inherited somewhere along the way. Home girl was low, low today accompanied by a resting heart rate in the high 40's, low 50's. Feeling totally normal while seeing this all was an interesting sensation. My oncology nurses are in the loop and no fuss need be made about anything yet on that front. All is well, I am dandy and feeling fabulous!
No crazy reactions to chemo yet! Appetite is holding up well. I got another small headache during and after my infusion, but I consider myself incredibly lucky to only have that to deal with. I was a little tired this afternoon, but I was so excited to suck at knitting again I couldn't nap! That journey is actually going pretty well. I learned how to arm knit not long ago, so transposing that into needles wasn't terribly difficult. Maybe pride, or the lack of any real deadline or responsibilities here, I declared I was going to teach myself with no aid from the web. It came and went a few times, but I got it! I did reference YouTube once on just where the hell to go after I got my desired amount of loops on one needle. I caught enough in the beginning to realize I put a lot more work into getting my whatever-it-is-that-I'm-making started. My tiny amount of knitting knowledge suggests that this end is just going to be very sturdy as opposed to the floppier variation I know how to start on looms. If you have any great knitting patterns send em my way! I plan on being stubborn and doing my thang without the advances of modern technology so keep in mind that I'm a baby old lady and only know the stitches I have accidentally created so far.
Thank you guys for keeping up with me, and to everyone who dropped me a line today I love you so much! I definitely didn't know that I needed your words so deeply today until I got them! They made my heart sing and turned my dread for the day to optimism and strength. Thank you, always.
Until next time!
XOJO
P.S. Another beautiful young Madsen from home started her chemo journey today. Please raise Alicia Albers, Cindy and Kenny Madsen's daughter, up in all your love today and keep it coming throughout her treatment! She has a more aggressive chemo lined up and is ready to fight like a mother!! Send your thoughts, prayers, love, and light to her and her family for me. If you see her, give her a hug on my behalf. I would say don't make it weird, but that is exactly what I would do.... so I guess do with that what you will.